What God, our Healer, often prescribes for deepest pain
God often does things in ways that surprise us. He did so with my deepest pain, which came from being rejected by my family. It’s the kind of pain that many MBBs face. It plunges the depths of a soul, ripping and stabbing. It’s not just debilitating, it’s way deeper than that.
The first few times it happened to me it felt existential, not because I wanted to take my life (I didn’t), but I thought that I would die from the pain – I could not take it. I’m a very rational person, and could usually handle pain quite well. This was different – it was far beyond my ability to control.
I noticed two things about my reaction to the pain. I wanted to shut my heart, and I wanted to not be around people. Both of these reactions I now know to be completely counterproductive. I wanted to protect myself from feelings and relationships. God did not allow me to go in those directions. He had a prescription for me, one that may be useful to others.
God’s prescription for my pain surprised me. I say prescription because it happened so often that I’m sure that it was not a coincidence. He gave me opportunities to serve someone else. Now, I’m not talking about giving to get. In fact, I often did not realize that there was an opportunity to serve – it just came. Sometimes a friend who needed help would call. They told me of their circumstances, and compassion and scriptures would rise up in me and I would talk with my friend. Or, I would see a need and simply reach out to help.
My unplanned responses came from deep within. I know now that it was coming from my spirit, the one God gave me. The Holy Spirit was making sure that my heart would stay open that I would stay in touch with people. After reaching out, I noticed that I felt better. There was less pain, and it usually stayed away.
I had only been a Christian for a few months or years during this period, but I knew that I could not get into the trap of serving people in order to be healed. I knew that would not be real.
I began to ask God to lead and guide me in that area and to protect me from loving other people for my benefit – which is not love because love does things for others for their benefit. Years later, I woke up one day expecting that same old pain to be deep in my soul. I looked for it, and could not find it anywhere. While there are times that the memory of rejection still hurts, it is easily dealt with by remembering God‘s love for me. The pain of rejection no longer holds sway in my life. God’s prescription worked.
For MBB’s who are hurting, please ask God to heal your hurts, as well as to make you sensitive to opportunities to serve others, especially in the midst of the deepest pain. While that may seem counterintuitive, I believe it will help you. I’m sure I’m not the only person that this has worked for, because it has worked for other MBBs. I also hear it from people that I know that are going through other types of deep pain. I would also ask that you make sure that you are not giving to get, which only adds to pain.
For those who are friends of MBB’s and are working with them, please be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit regarding helping MBBs serve others. Of course, you will need to use wisdom regarding timing and opportunity, but I trust that God will lead you. You will likely find that as they reach out, they will feel better and become more fruitful than if they had not reached out.
Keywords: MBB, dealing with rejection, discipleship
Whom do we follow?
All Christians are growing as disciples, including MBBs. They often face significant societal pressure to follow people and please them. The pressure may be overt – do as I say – or as simple as expecting us to conform to their actions or react as they wish.
A biblical example:
16“But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces, who call to their companions 17and say, ‘We played the flute for you, and you didn’t dance. We mourned for you, and you didn’t lament.’
Matthew 11:16-17 WEB
The Bible indicates that there are people whose goal is to have control over us, often with no concern for the outcome except that controlling us makes them feel better.
There is good news: we can chose whom to follow.
Jesus Christ cares about our future, and is good. Christians, when faced with the siren song of following people are best served by following Christ instead of people. His ways and words lead to good results and the best fellowship.
Keywords: Christian, discipleship, MBB, Christ before people
The ministry of being there for MBBs
People often wonder if they are equipped to minister to someone going through the loss and grief that persecuted MBBs experience. The answer is: yes!
You do not have to have gone through the same thing as another in order to effectively minister to them. Sometimes simply being with someone is enough to help them through an awful time. The people that most effectively ministered to me in college knew little to nothing of my culture or my pain. They were friendly, and we enjoyed each other’s company — it was more than enough.
If you can walk with an MBB through the pain, please do so. You don’t usually need to discuss pain unless they do. Your presence alone will be like a salve for them, especially if you help them enjoy the normalcy of life and perhaps even make them smile a time or two. The ministry of being there is underrated these days. It is extremely powerful for ministry to the persecuted.
Keywords: Being there, MBB, persecution
Some things that a new, persecuted MBB needs to hear
When you encounter a new MBB, her or his world is not just falling apart. The MBB often feels that they’ve actually lost their entire world because essentially everything they’ve built their lives on is gone and is not coming back.
Many people feel unqualified to speak to the hurt and the circumstances that new MBBs are in. You don’t have to – speak to the person. Tell truths that you, a Christian, know well. Please let the MBB know:
- God loves you and will not give up on you.
- God will be with you through the pain.
- God can heal the pain, which sometimes takes time. It may not happen instantly, but it will happen and things will eventually feel better.
- Even if they don’t, following God is worth it.
- Keep going. Don’t give up.
Yes, teach MBBs about the Bible, about God’s goodness, intimacy with God, prayer, spiritual warfare, and the doctrine of persecution, but also keep in mind that the immediate need may be that the MBB simply needs to keep going.
One of the effects of persecution is to make people stop doing what they are doing — often through depression or fear. The ability to keep going can not only help them survive, but even thrive in the midst of extremely terrible circumstances.
I know that all five of the above are true. They are based on scripture, but I also know that they’re true because they have been true in my life and in the lives of many MBBS. Those MBBs said that they needed to know and be reminded of the five things above.
Keywords: MBB discipleship, persecution, comfort
A key to a good devotional life
MBBs often wonder about how to have a productive and real devotional life – a time to seek God in His word and through prayer and learning from Him. Some people examine their schedule, set aside an amount of time, then read passages that they pick and pray from their prayer list.
Most of those people are making the major decisions regarding how they approach God unless they do the following – ask Him what to read about, people to pray for and in what order. It’s also useful to leave time for God to bring scripture to mind and people to pray for, perhaps about things they may not have asked for. He may bring things to mind even after your scheduled time. Ask the Lord to make you increasingly sensitive to His promptings.
Christians have an intimate relationship with God, and can make choices about how that relationship progresses, but those choices are best made when directed by the one who knows what we need. Our lives are best lived when submitted to God in Christ, and so are our devotional lives.
Keywords: MBB, devotional life, God-led